ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize