The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
