The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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