I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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