After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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