I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
