My underwear smells like fireworks.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
