what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
