Im at strip club and am horny
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize