I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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