Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
why do cheetos always look like penises
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
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