I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
