can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize