please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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