so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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