Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
