Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
