we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
