The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
