somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Randomize
