why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
