im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
