Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
