i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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