yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
