Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
