and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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