It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
third nipple confirmed
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Randomize
