Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
