you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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