My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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