I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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