Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
