They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
