I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Randomize
