I feel like I'm in dance class right now
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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