Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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