i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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