How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
