she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
