I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize