good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
The air was thick with penises
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
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