Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
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