She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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