Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
