so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
