Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
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