Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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