I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize