don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
