I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
