im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
