No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Randomize
