I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
