And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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