How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Woke up backwards on a recliner
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
