so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
