Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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