My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
