dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
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