my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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