i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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