When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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