please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
