i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
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