come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize