So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Randomize
