Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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