the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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